Thanks for nothing

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What might seem to be a series of unfortunate events may, in fact, be the first steps of a journey.


Have you ever heard a heart break?

It’s not like the cracking and splattering sound caused by a dropped egg, but more like the crunching ripping noise it makes when you pull the shell apart.

It’s almost like the sound of grinding broken glass on the ground.

It’s much more worse than that heart wrenching soundless cry, when you try to scream, but nothing can come out. Nothing but a painful release of breath.

Heartbreak, is there really a cure? 

The feeling of forever falling and there is no one to catch you.

That disheartening feeling caused by what was..

and is now unrequited love.

Understanding that you are no longer the battle worth fighting for.

But will ultimately become a distant memory of happiness that was once believed in.

Losing at love it can really make you feel worthless..

Wrapping your mind around circumstances that are not going to better your being, should not be a priority. Realizing that somethings just happen and its not your problem, is your best problem solver. You can’t control the decisions made by world, or the decisions made by it’s people. But you can focus on you, and learn to let go. Permanency & consistency are figments of the imagination, created to bring comfort to those who fear change. The world is forever changing, and so is yours. Get used to it! Don’t hinder your growth for anything that doesn’t positively effect YOU.

***Important Hoe Information***

Alert reader and friend Mary Ann, the Idaho Gardener, recently sent me some extremely helpful information on the origin of the use of the word “hoe” in reference to women.

I know many people, both gardeners and non-gardeners, have a certain image of women in mind when I discuss hoes, but I have always claimed ignorance that the word “hoe” could refer to anything other than a garden tool used for digging, scratching, and well, “hoeing” in the dirt.

But not any more! Now I have a brand new image for hoes.

Mary Ann’s book club is reading the book The Hemingses of Monticello: An American Family by Annette Gorden-Reed and came across this quote:

“…In other words, black women who were out of slavery were treated like white men instead of like white women. As the years passed, the connection between black women and hard physical labor became so firmly entrenched in the minds of white masters that the women “were as one with their farming tools and called, simply, hoes.”

The quote is footnoted and credited to the book Good Wives, Nasty Wenches, and Anxious Patriarchs: Gender, Race, and Power in Colonial Virginia by Kathleen M. Brown.

(Source: maydreamsgardens.com)

As I carried on with my duties at work yesterday, I notice a man dressed in graduation attire, in his gown with honor cords and stole, accompanied by a woman properly dressed for the occasion. My initial point of notice of the two as they walked around feeling and looking through the clothes of my store, was his graduation garb. It was clear he had graduated earlier that morning, and if he were to come to the area of the store at which I was located I was going to congradulate him. But after looking at the couple as they passed me by I noticed the woman was carrying a “Blind Cane”, and as I paid closer attention, I saw that it was “He who was looking”, and “She was feeling” the clothes and shoes he would point out to her. He would pull something out of the rack or off of the shelf, and she would touch and feel it to see if it met her approval. It was beautiful.

I had never seen something so humbling, sweet, and kind hearted. To me that represented Love, and for the moment I just wanted to bask in it. A moment so simple turned to be so beautiful.

Jumping & Leaping

Jumping, and leaping.

How can I risk my fate, into arms that are sleeping.

Air carrying the echo of hollowness.

And my dried eyes still stinging.

Looking for the whetting of my appetite that I am seeking.

Eyes that could be deceiving.

With the meer hope of all of the things that I am dreaming.

Jumping & Leaping

Jumping, and leaping.

Dancing in the eye of what the Dreamer is seeing.

Clouded skies, where the sunset hides, behind the clouds it is peeking.

Hope dwindles as the fall of light, during the peek of the evening.

Winded “..(sighs)”, attempt to push the dark clouds away.

Living with a smile while the clouds are gray.

Jumping & Leaping

Jumping, and leaping.

How can I risk my fate, into arms that are sleeping.

You start to notice things after a while
As the unraveled clues begin to whisper
The loudness of honest truths heard once before, start to speak to you again

Testimony to what seems like your fate, of never finding genuineness in huMANity
The tell tales signs of which you have concocted in your mind seals the fate before the stories end

Maybe the clues you hear are really your fear
Pulling you away from your goal

With all of your pride you make a hollow for all your truths to hide
That will potentially wither the flower that may grow
Nipping the bud before seed can be sowed

As I looked onto the scene, I saw a woman and a child sitting on the steps of the porch.

“Woman and child, it is always woman and child. A woman protecting her child.”

My mind started to recollect on a time when I was about 5-6 yrs old. It had been a quiet evening in my home. My mom, dad, and I were chilling, nothing to major as far as I can remember. But suddenly there was a bang at the door, which caused an immediate nervousness in the room. The banging grew louder, harder with more persistence, and frantic impatience. “What’s happening?” I asked but my question was answered by a woman’s cry.

“Help me! Help me please! I need to use your phone!” Bang. Bang.“Help me pleeeaaassse!”

Before my father had a chance to fully open the door, the pleading woman burst through. Yelling and shaking, trying to quickly explain her purpose for the commotion she had caused. But her reasoning was quite simple as she explained herself with short breaths.

“My sister’s boyfriend is beating her, he’s threatening to kill her! My niece.. she’s still in the house! I need your phone! Please let me use your phone!”



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